A Letter To My One Year Old Boy

Dear Desmond,

I always knew I was meant to be a mom, but since the day you were born it’s been pretty evident that I was always meant to be your mom. It still amazes me every day that I made you. Well, Daddy helped too. We made a little human being. And you’re perfect. Even right down your cowlicks and oddly unidentifiable coloring.  What did we do to deserve you? And how is it that someone so small can be already be so jolly and kind? But, let’s not pretend you don’t throw temper tantrums on the changing table or that you tolerate food being on your highchair tray if you don’t want to eat it. A small price to pay though, so I’ll take it. At night when I put you to bed and all goes silent on the monitor I do feel that sense of relief. Oh good, now we can have a glass of wine and watch Game of Thrones. But when we are getting into bed ourselves I miss you again, and then for a minute I envy those co-sleeping mothers. When you wake up screaming at 3 a.m. from those little teeth making their way out, I know I’m going to be tired today. But when you finish nursing and fall asleep next to me – breathing heavily with your mouth in a perfect little pucker and your brow slightly furrowed, I forget what time it is. You’re starting to babble now. What are you saying? What’s going through that little mind? Although your balance needs some work, you can stand on your own. And you clap when you do and you smile really big. I can’t help but think how much I love the gap between your bottom teeth, but I know it won’t be there forever. I blinked and you turned one. I feel guilty for rolling my eyes when grown-ups talked about how fast time goes by and how fast kids grow up. Shoot, they were right. My perspective is so different now. As long as you grow up happy and healthy, I will have lived an accomplished life. And I apologize now, but because I can’t protect you from everything I will protect you from things I can control, which I already know you won’t like. But I’ll try to let you have a taste of adventure and I promise to encourage your imagination. My little butter bean, bear, bubba, #babydes – I love you so much it makes me dizzy. Happy first birthday.

-Mama

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